Back to School

 

All of the sudden, summer is nearing an end and everyone is chatting about Back To School. Carpool's are being set, school supplies bought, and thoughts of transitioning to a new rhythm are entering. A part of me is ready for this shift and a part of me is sad to see another summer pass.

Tonight at dinner my boys were talking about school starting and it dawned on me just how sad I anticipate my 2 year old to be. Their conversation went like this:

Nolan: "Huddy, I will really miss you when you go to school."
Hudson: "Do you want me to make you something every day?"
Nolan: " Yes, I want you to make me a bracelet, that will be very nice. Thanks!"

A sweet conversation with their sweet little voices and tears started to swell up in my and Adrian's eyes. The sweetness and love between these two makes me so happy that they have one another.

As these days slip by I am reminded to love each day of summer as it is still here. There is no need to talk so much about the impending change that is heading near.

I just came across this post.. kind of funny, written aug 2009

First, let me start off with a disclaimer.. if you think that television is suitable for children under 2 then this post is not really for you.. if you choose to read it.. then know that I am a firm believer in a non-television induced parenting style.

So it goes... today I am under the weather. My head is pounding, my sinuses hurt, I am tired and I just do not feel like playing today. If you are a stay at home parent and you know how every day is consumed with the same mundane play time.. then you know how it is.. you cannot be sick... you cannot lounge around the house, lay your head on a pillow and just drift off into sickie sick sleep. I did not want to read about the Hungry Caterpillar again, I did not want to read about the bread making hen once more, I did not want to build a tower today.. I just wanted to have silence and stillness in a house with a rascally and somewhat recovering sick almost 16 month old boy.. is that too much to ask? Well yes.. it is.

So I did it.. I booted up the Cookie Monster on youtube.. I sat Huddy in his chair.. and let the wonderful world of our version of tv work its magic. This was not meant to be an experiment.. it was meant to provide me with 2 minutes of peace and quiet and if it worked.. then maybe another 2 minutes.. and then maybe another.. cause it could not really hurt, right?

Well what I saw was unbelievable. This was Huddys first real exposure to television. He became a zombie. There was no life, no expression, no nothing in my television watching baby. A baby that runs from room to room all day.. making towers, reading books, causing havoc, singing, dancing, and much more. He was consumed by the Cookie Monster.. he saw no reason to move, to be engaged, to be creative, to be anything.. just a viewer. When the 2 minutes were over he screamed MO MO MO and when I told him it was ALL GONE.. he threw a major tantrum..And people wonder why kids have a hard time being engaged in the classroom, to learn, why we are medicating beyond belief for things like attention deficit disorder.. maybe it is because kids spend too much time having images forced into their faces.. their brains working at rapid speeds to figure it all out.

I got what I wanted.. I got silence..Lack of movement in my cloudy head.. AND I will never do it again.. It is going to be a long day.. I might have to endure a little more crying than usual from Huddy because Mama is moving a bit slower than usual, and that clock is really not moving fast enough to get us to 6pm.. but I tell you.. Huddy will not be sitting in front of the computer losing his ability to engage and imagine..


So, I ended to giving Huddy a ton of utensils that he does not usually play with and a plastic container.. for the past 30 minutes he has played with them with such a delight.. and I must go because he is trying to feed me some of his imaginary soup...

The end of this chapter..

This past week we were vacationing in the Redwoods. Three boys and a mama all cuddled up in a tent together to experience the great outdoors. The trip was amazing and both sad for this mama. You see, Nolan turned 2 1/2 on the 4th. That's not the sad part, that part is that he stopped nursing that day also. I started to notice that he was leaning towards self weaning but he was still pretty consistent at home. As the days went on and he continued to not ask for "Nursie", I knew that we had ended that chapter.

I don't know if I was quite ready for this change, but I welcomed it to happen at any time. 2 1/2 years of nursing created such a nurturing and magical bond with my sweet boy. Our very own special moments spent together. 

Knowing that he is our last child, I can't help but weep just a bit as he takes his first big step into becoming more of his own self. A boy of such passion and charisma. A boy that makes everyone laugh. A boy with such a heart of gold and a great way with words. Just this evening he told me "mommy I don't like your shirt, but I like you." I asked him why he didn't like my shirt, he says "because I don't and that's enough of that." 

That funny boy of mine.

Other famous quotes from him:

"I am a working machine!"

"I am a pooping machine!"

 Us: "Nolan, what's your name" Nolan "Alpapa Zack Nick"

 Nolan: "I don't like the ocean, I don't like big trees, I don't like the wind"

Nolan: "I am going to get in my sleeping bag now and cry." 2 seconds later.. fake cry.

SmartKlean Product review

Have you heard of this laundry ball? From their website, this is how it works:

General Function
The laundry ball is filled with four types of mineral-derived ceramic beads and two magnets, each performing different cleaning functions. When these components come in contact with water, they form ‘oxygenated’ water with an increased pH level and an ability to eliminate germs and bacteria. The result is fresh, safe and clean laundry!

Through a chemical process, detergents make surfaces more susceptible to water, and increase the pH levels, making it easier for the water to remove the dirt from the fabrics. The downside is that most of the chemical ingredients used to achieve this are toxic to your health and the environment.*

The SmartKlean Laundry Ball uses an innovative technology designed to clean fabrics through a physical process instead. On a molecular level, the water is entirely affected by its special mineral ceramics, offering a natural and powerful wash.

You simply just put it in your washer and you can leave it there for every wash. At times I will add a few drops of lavender essential oil if I am wanting my clothes to smell like something.

I was feeling guilty about the massive amount of laundry detergent I was buying so I started researching alternatives. I have been using the SmartKlean laundry ball for 2 months now and LOVE it. My clothes are really clean and it gets any smells out easily. I still use a stain remover for stubborn stains, but for the most part the ball does the trick. 

This ball lasts for 365 loads!! 

Disclaimer: I am not being paid to post this review.

Talking Gay Marriage with my son.

Today my 5 year old asked me about his friend who has two momma's

H: "Mommy, why does he have two mommy's"
Me: "Because that's his family."
H: "Are his mommy's married?"
Me: " Not yet, but hopefully soon."
H: "Well if they love one another and they love their son, then why aren't they married like you and daddy?"
Me: "I know honey, it's complicated, but we are working on that."
H: "Well I think they will be married soon. They are such good mommy's."

I can't help but have this song stuck in my head all day. A huge fan of Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, I am so happy that this song graces the screens and radio. It's time to Rise Up! Equality for All.



I am so happy that I am able to raise my children with such tolerance.  They will grow up in a house and surrounded by individuals that don't preach hate and that welcome all races and support the love and rights of all individuals. I grew up in Middle America. Always kind of the black sheep, I never understood how someone could hate another based on the color of their skin or their preference of whom to love. I remember days when I was in junior high and I watched the Ku Klux Klan walk past my school. How could that even be a part of our world? I grew up hearing words of hate towards gay men and women. Aren't we a population of people who all deserve the right to love whomever? Who am I to tell someone who they can spend their lives with.  The first time I visited San Francisco as an adult was the day of the Pride Parade. I was so excited to be a part of this. To feel that the prejudice that I grew up around was not surrounding me. I loved the free feeling I had that day!

I love being part of a time that I hope for great changes. I am excited for the hope of my friends being able to legally marry. I am excited that my boys will learn from me that love is a feeling, that they are not to judge.  I am happy that I had the courage to not listen to my surroundings and felt with my inner self to decide what love meant. That everyone deserves the right to love without scrutiny and prejudice.

I am happy to have a son that sees this too.

"Mommy? Will you always be my best friend?"

(Hudson age 2 months)

Recently I've been telling Hudson a story every night. Not one from a book, but an impromptu-make-you-laugh story. It's funny when you let your mind go, where it will take you. There have been little boys climbing on clouds, fishing in coconut water, and sometimes (because I'm a little boy at heart at times) the stories involve a little bit of poop. Yea! That's right, potty humor! Wheee! 

Tonight, as I finished my latest story, and Hudson was giggling so hard he said "mama, I almost peed my pants that was so funny." He turned to me and asked "Mommy? Will you always be my best friend?"

I told him "yes! I will always be your best friend, but more importantly, I'll always be your mommy." 

I then asked him why I was his best friend. (you know, just curious)

He said "Cause you bike all day with me, then play ball all day and you never make me go inside, only when I have to poop and I get hungry!" 

It's good to have such high standards for a best friend I tell ya. 

He went on, he thanked me for painting with him and for folding his laundry. He thanked me for having daddy to be his daddy and then he thanked for me being a great friend. 

As my heart grew fuller and fuller I thought to myself what a wonderful life I lead. I don't want to brag or boast, but some days my heart is bursting at the seams with my love for these two little beings. I do spend my days playing hard. I am a kid at heart and I love spending hours upon hours biking, playing tennis, volleyball, soccer....on and on and on. I love painting, I love knitting with him, I seriously love it all. I love embracing his childhood and entering into it with such enthusiasm. 

I know that one day I will take the best friend back seat, but for now. I am pretty stoked to have the title. 

He also wanted me to know that his daddy is also his best friend, so don't tell him that he told me I was his best friend. He doesn't want to hurt daddy's feelings.

A lesson: Teaching our Sons to have posititve self image.

There have been two times in my life where I have felt comfortable in my skin. Those times are pregnancy.

You see, I have suffered/suffer from an eating disorder. It started when I was 13. A group of girls that I was friends with all started taking diet pills. We were obsessed with being thin. Unhealthy for sure, but it's what we heard would shed the pounds quickly. Soon we realized that our hearts raced uncontrollably and that we felt horrible. That was the end of the diet pill craze. Later I started to become obsessed with exercising and calories. I would barely eat enough calories to sustain any substantial weight and then I would work off all that I could. I was a cheerleader. That was a big impact on my body image. Then came college. My sophomore year I joined a sorority and lived with 100 girls. Now I don't speak negatively about cheerleading or sororities because I loved both of them and I felt that I grew from both experiences. That said, it was living in the sorority that took my eating disorder to a whole new level. I won't go into details, but I struggled. It wasn't until my senior year of college that I started to seek help. 

I will never be "cured" of my eating problems and my inability to find the beauty in my body. I try each day but I struggle. It wasn't until my mom was visiting and I was trying to find something to wear. I made a comment in front of my oldest son that I didn't like shorts because "my legs always look fat in shorts." My mom and I went back and forth talking about whose legs looked fatter in shorts. Yes! We actually used the term fat in front of my 5 year old. 

This wasn't the first time. For years I have commented on my negative view of my body. I always complain about my stomach, my legs, my kness.... you name it. I talk to my husband about it, I talk to my mom, my friends, and even my tiny children. It didn't dawn on me until I was laying in bed with my 5 year old and he said to me "Mommy. Do I look fat in my shorts?" I said, "What! Absolutely not! Why would you say that?" He replied "Well you think you look fat in your shorts and you don't."

Gasp. Tear. Breathe. What have I done? When I found out I was having  boys I was relieved that I wouldn't have a girl to have to work through body image issues. It didn't dawn on me that I needed to provide a safe place, free of my own body issues, for my sons. Why I didn't think of this, I have no idea. 

The best thing of seeing your mistake is learning from it. I am trying to better myself and my sons with positive thoughts and comments on my body. To let them know that I do love myself and the way that I look. And mostly laying a foundation for my sons to have positive body images.